Desire Paths

by Turnspit

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03:22
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03:49
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01:41
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credits

released February 16, 2018

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Turnspit Chicago, Illinois

thoughtful. melodic. midwestern. punk.

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Track Name: Irish Name
We were a train on fire
We were a car spinning out of control
We were a sinking ship but I’d skip a breath when you grab my hips
And swept me off my feet

You couldn’t give me what I need
I couldn’t sleep when you were drinking
I wanted you to change for me, for the better

I thought breaking you down was the best thing I could do
But that was just another lie

‘Cause I wanted your Irish name
And I wanted the life I made, here inside my head
It wasn’t meant to be
And I hope you got to see the sunset wherever you are tonight

Wherever you are tonight

It’s just the same old shit, why do I keep doing this?
I put so much of myself into everybody else
What’s in it for me? What about me?
Am I wasting all my time to see emptiness staring back at me

I thought breaking you down was the best thing I could do
And I wanted you to stay but there's nothing I can say or do
No

‘Cause I wanted your Irish name
And I wanted the life I made, here inside my head
It wasn’t meant to be
And I hope you got to see the sunset wherever you are tonight

‘Cause I wanted your Irish name
And I wanted the life I made, here inside my head
It wasn’t meant to be
And I hope you got to see the sunset wherever you are tonight

Wherever you are tonight
Wherever you are tonight
Wherever you are tonight
Track Name: Walk Away
“I can see it in your light brown eyes that I’m here with you on borrowed time”
Wrote those words about a month ago, and now you’re finally letting me go
Whoa-oh!

Trying real hard not to be so sad, thinking about the life we could’ve had
When I said I loved you I meant it, would’ve done whatever you needed

Remember when you said you’d never walk away?
(I meant it then. I never thought I’d walk away)
And I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face
(And the rush of the blood to blush my cheeks)
Well, now there’s nothing I can say
(Now there’s nothing you could say)
So I’ll watch you walk away

I can see it in your light brown eyes
That you think i’m just wasting time
I get so stuck inside my head
Can’t you pull me out of it?

Remember when you said you’d never walk away?
(I meant it then. I never thought I’d walk away)
And I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face
(And the rush of the blood to blush my cheeks)
Well, now there’s nothing I can say
(Now there’s nothing you could say)
So I’ll watch you walk away

Remember when you said you’d never walk away?
(I meant it then. I never thought I’d walk away)
Now we’re just passing strangers on the street
(Near the place where we used to meet)
Maybe there’s something I can say
(Baby, there’s nothing you could say)
Or I’ll be the one to walk away

The one to walk away

Remember when you said you’d never walk away?
And I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face
Well, now there’s nothing I can say
So I’ll watch you walk away

(This is gonna hurt me as much as it hurts you,
but sometimes, good things just end because they have to.
This is something that I never thought I’d have to say.
Trust me when I say this isn’t what I wanted either,
but we’re just both not getting what we need when we’re together.
I hope that you can muster up the strength to walk away
when I walk away.)

When I walk away
Track Name: Apologies, I Have So, So Many
I got too drunk last night, and I said some things that I didn’t mean,
or maybe I did, and they just didn’t come out right.
It doesn’t really matter what I did.
I wake up feeling guilty.
I wake up feeling lonely,
and I look for something to apply it to, even if it’s only in my head.

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, I just get like this sometimes.
You don’t have to apologize. You’re alright. You’re alright.

I see you at the end of the bar
I think about the last time that we talked
How I wanted to apologize for things that I should not
‘Cause the last thing I remember
Is you getting too close to my face
And I couldn’t understand your hands
Thought I knew who you were

You don’t have to apologize. You’re alright. You’re alright.
Please don’t tell me, please don't tell me
I don’t have to apologize.
You don’t know what it’s like.

You won’t say it to me
Watch me walk away
I have to unlearn this
But I won’t say I’m sorry
I don’t need to anymore

You don’t have to apologize. You’re alright. We’re all alright sometimes.
We don’t have to apologize for living our lives.
Track Name: Desire Paths
Do you know how it feels to be not enough?
To be parts of many, instead of just one?
A whole, less than the sum of its parts?
A path cut through the pavement.
All the best laid plans of terrified men,
laid out in concrete and flattened.
They lead to nowhere no one needs
for the sake of propriety.

It took more courage than I had to say this and not look back.

I can hear it plain in the subtext.
“You’re just lying.”
“You’re just scared.”
“People like that, they don’t exist.”
But I’m standing here.

I remember that night when I was twelve.
Nervously, I told my mother what I felt.
When she told me it was wrong, she thought she’d helped.
I thought the same, ashamed of the hand that I’d been dealt.
All the help that I could hope to find
on every path, from the narrow to the wide,
told me I had to choose. “Men just don;’t like
both women and men. Now, you’ve gotta pick a side.”

It took me thirty odd years to realize I should just follow my pride.

I can hear it plain in the subtext.
“You’re just lying.”
“You’re just scared.”
“People like that, they don’t exist.”
But I’m standing here.

I just want those who love me to know me.
I just want to know myself.

I can hear it plain in the subtext.
“You’re just lying.”
“You’re just scared.”
“People like that, they don’t exist.”
But I’m standing here.

I'm standing here.
Track Name: Skin
When I was 5, I liked to play in the garden
And let the summer sun wash over me
The boy next door, he was my only friend
We played outside and hopped over the fence

Then one day, he said "Pull down your pants"
On the other side of that raspberry bush
I knew inside that it was wrong but he was nice and I was young
And that was the first time I lied to save an abuser

And when I was 13, you know my body was changing
My grey-blue eyes weren't the focal point no more
I caught the attention of a boy needing saving
He said he loved me, but it was all part of his plan

You know what he taught me
He taught me what it means
What it means to feel so powerless
He didn't have to hold me down, his grip was on my mind
I said "No, no please, no"
Then I gave in

Some might say "Just let it go
They were young and just didn't know"
But they weren't alone and I've been fighting since 5 years old
To reclaim this sack of skin as mine

So when I wear my low cut shirts
Just know it's not for you
This is me, and I'm taking back my body
To feel like I own my own skin
Yeah to feel like I own my own skin
Yeah you know, you own your own skin
Track Name: Home Is Run No More
Last weekend, someone told me they ran into you at the grocery store.
You were in a rush and couldn’t talk.
That was the end of their story.
It’s been almost a year since we last got drunk
like we did when we lived together,
writing songs on our cheap guitars.
And we were sleeping in on our futures.

I guess it still surprises me that there are things I try not to think about.
It probably shouldn’t, but it does.
I guess, in that, I’m just like everybody else:
There’re still some things I run from.

I thought you’d be dead by now from the drugs you ran to after
you got back from military school, and I moved away with Alicia.
We’re so very different now than we were on each others’ bedroom floors
staring at the ceiling, unaware of the lives that were coming for us.

I guess it still surprises me that there are things I try not to think about.
It probably shouldn’t, but it does.
I guess, in that, I’m just like everybody else:
There’re still some things I run from.

I didn’t want to run into you when we showed up at the same show.
Seeing you still makes me smile for a second.
I had to walk away, but I never wanted to.
You’re like a photo that’s torn, but I still keep it in a drawer
because I can’t bring myself to throw it away.

I guess it still surprises me that there are things I try not to think about.
It probably shouldn’t, but it does.
I guess, in that, I’m just like everybody else:
There’re still some things I run from.

We all have pain we run from.
We all have things we run from.
Sometimes, it hurts just as much to run.
Track Name: Given
Last night, I had a dream.
The wheel fell off of the van while we were driving.
We didn’t know it until we stopped, and we were stranded.

Yesterday, a busted spoke, the first ride of the season.
The shop wasn’t open, so I locked my bike up:
hobbled, lonely and abandoned.

I guess you never really know how fragile something is until it breaks,
and you have to fix it or walk away..
You learn not to take anything for granted,
anything at face,
anything as given or safe.

Last year, a last word.
A line that separates two eras
between the shore where we were born
and a ship that has sailed and landed.

Yesterday, she let us know,
her shoulders slumped and shaking under
a weight that nobody should bear alone,
fitful and candid.

I guess you never really know how fragile something is until it breaks,
and you have to fix it or walk away..
You learn not to take anything for granted,
anything at face,
anything as given or safe.

I guess you never really know how fragile something is until it breaks,
and you have to fix it or walk away..
You learn not to take anything for granted,
anything at face,
anything as given or safe.
Track Name: Taproom
You told me I was your dream girl
But sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story
You said one day we’d live together
At the taproom when you still loved me

I got this tattoo at the right time
I’m trying to take the words to heart
Sometimes that third rail looks enticing
I don’t wanna kill myself, but I thought about it
For a moment

But I’m not crazy, I’m just broken
You wanna ignore the fact that you broke my heart
You’ll put your smile on, say “How’s it going, buddy?”
And I wish you’d be the one taking me home
But I’m leaving alone

I need to get out of this apartment
Grab my coat and clear my mind
The tears are streaming down my face
As the sun begins to set on Humboldt Park
If I ride fast enough, then I won’t fall apart

But I’m not crazy, I’m just broken
You wanna ignore the fact that you broke my heart
You’ll put your smile on, say “How’s it going, buddy?”
And I wish you’d be the one taking me home
But I’m leaving alone

But I’m not crazy, I’m just broken
You wanna ignore the fact that you broke my heart
You’ll put your smile on, say “How’s it going, buddy?”
And I wish you’d be the one taking me home
But I’m leaving alone
Track Name: Midsentence
All of the good times—our high lives and night life—are bolted down, tight, to the past.
We try to relive it, but only in increments, with every sip from this glass.
We’re living the dream in cobwebs and seeds,
lines from all the shitty novels we read,
content to build castles of sand and call ourselves royalty.

I don’t want what was promised.
I want the belief
that it’s waiting for us.
All we need do is reach.

They told us to look to the skies and to aim for the fences.
Now, we’re all just waiting in lines that never will finish.
They sold us beautiful lies.
They told us we were all princesses and princes.
Now, we’re left here with meaningless words and a pause in midsentence.

We learned how to be from toys and TV.
We’re worth a hell of a lot more unhappy.
Our heroes were strong, the villains all wrong, and the women always needed saving.
Now all of the glass is broken,
and all of my hair’s in my hands.
And all of my hope has been stolen,
and I question the worth of a man.

They told us to look to the skies and to aim for the fences.
Now, we’re all just waiting in lines that never will finish.
They sold us beautiful lies.
They told us we were all princesses and princes.
Now, we’re left here with meaningless words and a pause in midsentence.

Here’s to the real friends, the ones that I haven’t seen in weeks.
Life flew right out of our hands.
We burned down the forest but could not find a tree.
We fell for the trick we thought we would get.
We held to the pledge and watched the prestige,
and we found ourselves sawed in half to an audience clapping.

They told us to look to the skies and to aim for the fences.
Now, we’re all just waiting in lines and hoping to end this.
They sold us beautiful lies.
They told us we were all princesses and princes.
Now, we’re left here with meaningless words and a pause in midsentence.
Track Name: Invisible
You, you don’t see me
Like you used to
Like I loved you to do

Now, you won’t hold my hand
Or push me up against a wall
To take my breath away

No

Do you mean it
When you say I love you
You’re the one who said it first
Now it’s just a call-and-response

But I mean it
Deep in my bones
In my heart and in my lungs
I could drink you in forever

Now I know you’re falling apart
Wish I could take away the pain
But I can’t
And I’m not enough
Track Name: If It Meant Heaven Was Free
We may have lost the battle, but it feels like we lost the war.
And if there’s hope or happiness to cling to, then I’m not so sure
where to find it, but I know it’s not on this bathroom floor.
All the dog hair, piss and vomit, I have already explored.

How much whiskey do you think
I would have to drink
to drown everything inside of me?
Because I’m sick of waking up
with this pang deep in my gut
that says nothing will ever be what it should be.

We may have lost the safety, but it feels like we lost the love.
Let’s not lie. Hope or happiness was never ours all along.
We thought we’d built something great:
Babel or Babylon.
We rise from the rubble as what we discovered we came for all along.

How much whiskey do you think
I would have to drink
to drown all the darkness in me?
Because I’m sick of waking up
with this pang deep in my gut
that says I’ve never really ever tried to be

The change that I needed to see
in this shit-splattered outhouse we call “love”
and rest in our own peace.
We let this happen.
We didn't love enough.
We didn’t do enough.
We didn’t mobilize.
Let’s get our shit together.

We may have lost the battle, but let’s not give up the war.
There’s no hope left to cling to but what we bleed out of our pores.

How much whiskey do you think
I would have to drink
to drown all the good things in me?
Because I’m not so sure
a good soul means a thing anymore.
And I’d go to hell if it meant heaven was free.

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